Viewpoints: Femme

I will shout it from the rooftops: I LOVE femmes. I have mentioned my wife a few times in this blog; she is a femme, and I love that about her. There is something so classy about femmes, particularly my wife, that makes me want to be a better gentleman.

Who is a Femme?

When dealing with labels like these (butch, trans, femme, queer, etc.) it’s difficult to nail down a concrete definition. Everyone has a different take on what makes a femme a femme, so I hesitate to articulate a definition that excludes anyone. That being said, I define femme as a person (regardless of sex or gender) who embraces femininity in aspects of their appearance, relationships, etc: hence, femme.

Femme is traditionally considered a “queer” term, or, a term that is rooted in the LGBTIQ community. Some women, for instance, identifies as a queer femmes, as they are attracted to masculine identified people (butches, transmen, transmasculine people, and beyond). There are gay males who identify as femme, femme lesbians, femme gender non-conforming people. Femme is, at its core, an expression of gender.

Why do I love Femmes?

Where do I begin?! Something about a femme brings out the best in my masculinity. I love opening doors for my wife, I love watching her spend 30 minutes doing her makeup, and another 30 doing her hair, I even love the huge shoe collection that is taking over our closet. Something about those types of things make me feel even more…me. My wife inspires me to be a gentleman.

Considerations for Transmen

When I began considering transitioning, I was always afraid the effect transitioning would have on femmes. I feared the women I loved so much, including my wife, would not be attracted to me if I was male. Turns out, my fear was baseless. I believe this had something to do with my comfort level once I started T, and the fact that I was still me. Of course, I can’t speak for all femmes, of course. But, if you’re considering transition, and worried that femmes will no longer look at you the same way – this isn’t necessarily true. There are femmes out there that are attracted to transmen! And thank goodness too…

So, I want to thank all the femmes out there, inspiring masculine people like me, to be ourselves. Particularly, I want to thank my wife, for always accepting and loving me, and giving me someone to open doors for.

And now, here’s author Ivan Coyote on the topic: